Yesterday the Vancouver Canucks travelled to Edmonton to take on the young “superstar” Oilers. I followed along on the NHL.com Ice Tracker. This is what I imagined happened…
(If you need some background on this insanity, see here)
1st Period
00:36 VAN SHOT #23 A. Edler slap shot saved by #40 D. Dubnyk
00:38 VAN SHOT #33 H. Sedin wrist shot saved by #40 D. Dubnyk
Edler fires a low slapper through a crowd in front. Dubnyk manages to kick a leg out for the pad save but the puck deflects straight onto Henrik’s stick. He has an open net, he knows he should shoot but his natural reaction is “PASS”. Daniel screams “SHOOT”, Henrik snaps out of his revery and obliges with a weak wrister, but by then Dubnyk has slid over for the save. Twitter ignites with “The Sedins have lost it” and “the window is closed” talk.
18:38 EDM GOAL #A. Hemsky (3) Backhand, Assists: #64 N. Yakupov (2), #89 S. Gagner (7)
On the power play the Oilers move the puck around the perimeter like lightning but can’t find a decent shot. Hemsky is fed up and skates to the net, says “Anything you can do Eberle I can do better” and roofs a backhand over Luongo’s shoulder. He gets an upper body injury during the celebration.
2nd Period
03:10 VAN SHOT #5 J. Garrison slap shot saved by #40 D. Dubnyk
Garrison slaps one from the point on the power play. Dubnyk skates 2 metres to the left of the net to make the pointless save.
08:08 EDM GOAL #94 R. Smyth (1) Deflection, Assists: #57 A. Lander (1)
Smyth sits on Luongo’s head to get the deflection from Lander’s shot. Smyth cries.
09:33 EDM HIT #4 T. Hall hit #8 C. Tanev
Tanev collects the puck in his own zone. As the puck touches his stick everything slows down bullet-time Matrix style. Tanev smokes a spliff, eats a piece of fried chicken and sips a beer, then makes a calm, sensible pass up on the ice. Time returns to normal, with Taylor Hall bearing down on the very relaxed (and full) Tanev. Hall staples Tanev to the boards and falls over. Tanev skates back to the bench in a trail of smoke.
12:41 VAN GOAL #36 J. Hansen (1) Snap Shot, Assists: #45 J. Schroeder (2), #20 C. Higgins (3)
Hard work from Higgins, skill and vision from Schroeder, Honey Badger don’t care attitude from Hansen. Higgins forechecks hard, gets the puck to Schroeder who executes a delicious tape to tape pass across the slot to Hansen, who delays a split second and snaps it high glove side.
3rd Period
02:45 VAN TAKEAWAY #20 C. Higgins
Higgins sees Tanev snacking on takeaway chicken again and politely advises that he’ll have to be more careful with his takeaway choices if he ever wants to get abs to rival his own.
10:15 EDM SHOT #19 J. Schultz wrist shot saved by #1 R. Luongo
Justin “Second Coming” Schultz gets the puck. A light from heaven descends upon him like a spot light, angels sing from upon high and he fires a wrist shot straight into Lu’s chest. Lu’s eyes light up red and he laughs manically while making the \m/ sign with this blocker hand and sticking his tongue out. The angels recede and the spotlight fades. Schultz is bewildered “oh Father, how could you forsake me?”
17:43 VAN GOAL #3 K. Bieksa (1) slap shot, Assists: #21 M. Raymond (1), #36 J. Hansen (4)
Hansen collects the puck in his own zone and passes to Raymond. Raymond fires down the near side boards like a bat out of hell, skates around the boards, behind the net, out the other side, passes to Bieksa and falls down. Bieksa DRIIIIIVE. Despite having a clear view of the shot Dubnyk misses it under his blocker arm. Oiler fans insist Dubnyk is an elite level goaltender.
OT
02:47 EDM SHOT #4 T. Hall snap shot saved by #1 R. Luongo
Daniel Sedin takes a lazy hooking penalty on a Hall breakaway. No one is surprised. Hall draws the penalty shot. Luongo starts shaking. Hall starts grinning. Hall skates in with speed to take his shot. Luongo has no clue what Hall will do. Every single Canucks fan assumes the game is over. But no, Hall has a brain fart. All thought is expelled from his mind. Instinct takes over and he fires a snap shot straight at Lu’s body. Lu makes the save, immediately starts thinking of what to tweet about the whole experience.
04:40 VAN GOAL #8 C. Tanev (1) snap shot, Assists #33 H. Sedin (6), #22 D. Sedin (5)
Daniel passes to Henrik who has a clear shot at net but he doesn’t shoot, no, he passes, as is his wont, and the puck comes to Christopher Tanev. The moment is his, now or never, Tanev knows he must unleash the fury. He shoots. The puck flutters like a beautiful butterfly towards net. Dubnyk is completely confused by the speed (or lack thereof) of the puck. The puck dips in the air at the last second, falling below Dubnyk’s glove, bouncing slowly but surely over the line. The puck stops before it hits the back of the net. Vancouver explodes in spontaneous celebration. 50,751 babies are conceived in the next 15 minutes. Tanev is drowned in champagne and resuscitated by Dan Hamhuis.
Canucks win.
This is what actually happened:
http://video.nhl.com/videocenter/console?hlg=20122013,2,126
